Message to my daughters, on beauty

 

Beauty.

What is beauty.  Definition- according to Mirriam Webster.com: 

1

the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit : loveliness

2

: a beautiful person or thing; especially : a beautiful woman

3

: a particularly graceful, ornamental, or excellent quality

4

: a brilliant, extreme, or egregious example or instance<that mistake was a beauty>

5

What is this thing called beauty we strive for. Do we feel the need to BE something that others CALL beauty. There are obvious reasons, like it feels nice be admired but this has become an obsession, an unhealthy preoccupation. We try to do what we think is pleasurable to the senses, what has aesthetic value. Is it perfection? Not really, but it is somewhat the absence of flaws..or at least the non sensing of flaws…none on the surface, none registered by the eye. Visual perfection or at least the visual perception of perfection which can only be so in the "eye of the beholder" so can never be accomplished as all perceptions vary. It is like trying to harness light, ever changing, color shifting and by nature malleable and fleeting. So, it (beauty) is not perfection. And we can all think of personal examples of non perfect yet extraordinarily beautiful things. But when we, as women try to attain beauty, we are trying to be "perfect". We actively look at each part of ourselves and decifer if this part is needing improvement. When we decide a part, such as say, our arms, nose, lips, breasts, hips, eyes, hair, toenails, thigh or ear are not perfect we spend endless hours and money on working to “fix” it. We subconsciously compare our selves to the hundreds of images that bombard us each day. We judge ourselve, become attahced to the images projected upon us, needing to become that. But that is not YOU. That is only how you look on the outside. And here is a big problem, I want you to NOT get fooled by. Most images you will see projected in our society only reflect a small sliver of what beauty can look like. The images you see are beautiful. I will not claim they are not. Please differentiate that they are not YOU. Please be aware that they usually show one TYPE of beauty. Most times you will see images of women who are lacking imperfections and individuality. Most times you will see women who are very thin, you will see certain body parts accentuated and you will see women who seem to possess every single pretty feature. This is RARE! MOST women have one or two "pretty" features and that's it. And some might seem to have none. Yet, every single woman possesses beauty in her own right. YOU are BEAUTIFUL. Every single piece of your spirit and body is absolute miraculous beauty. OWN it! All else is only a fashion statement designed and constructed by another person. An idea of camoflage. A notion of aesthetics. It may look beautiful and you may feel great when you try it, but you need to maintain your own beauty that is PART of you and stays within when you are stark naked and unadorned. Because nothing else will last. Because all outside decorations are not lasting and if you become attached will be desparate for more, because there will always be more and never be enough.

 

The sheer, honest reality is that many of us do not feel beautiful and do feel incomplete without the idea of achieving perfection. I think we have an inner need to attain becoming the best (or prettiest) we can be. And then we take that theory put it on steroids and lose the concept of being the best “me” and replace it, unknowingly with whatever society deems “best” Or whatever our peers or loved ones decide to be “best” Do you think of what your friends would wear when you buy clothes? Why? Or do you think about what your boyfriend want you to wear? Why? You wear it, on your body. Shouldn’t it be what you feel is best? Sure, you want their approval and appraisal but then again if what makes you feel good and is your style isn’t their style, why would that matter? Listen, whatever you do, people will judge you anyway. But then they will move on to judging someone else and you will HOLD on to their judgement. REALLY, only your own judgement of yourself matters in this case. And if you feel like an amazing goddess in that pink dress or completely comfortable and at peace in that old white tee and faded jeans, doesn’t the joy of that feeling trump anything else? Doesn’t it mean more than the logical two second approval of another persons mind? Now, I know you are concerned that if you are not getting check marks in the list of beautiful features, then you are fearing you will not be loved or liked.  Sorry, I hate to break it to you but number one, this is not true love,it is simply admiration and not worth giving up your self.  Number two, this is only an issue of self esteem, and is getting band aided by pretty clothes, makeup, body image and jewelry…its an expensive habit too, because as those clothes cover up your pain, your pain grows, it is a temporary fix, and then the clothes go out of style and you need to buy more. 

 

Okay, you say, then how CAN I be beautiful without the wrong intentions or low self esteem, because, I don’t want to be ugly right? It is not possible for you to be ugly. You encompass true spiritual beauty and light within yourself, and only need to allow it to shine. We all do. It is not easy. It can be very challenging. But it is the right way. Remember,  what is beauty? Is it internal or external? Is it okay to be beautiful inside and out? Is it okay to be beautiful on the outside? Is it good? Should we all just stop brushing our hair and all wear mud each day? Well, there is something to be said about the absence of vanity but in this case, in my opinion, it is okay to be as beautful and vibrant in and out as you were made to be and as you can be. And you can do that in whatever way you FEEL best.  I believe the most important aspects of beauty are inner joy, good health, and alignment with your true self. 

 

When you have these things you are truly beautiful. The friends and loved ones you attract will see this is you and will see that you ARE beautiful BECAUSE of this and that is a real assessment and a true relationship. True love is a connection of one true self to another true self. True beauty is a light that shines so brightly from within you that people cant help but feel happier just because you are near. True beauty is a kind heart that stops to lift up the spirit of a stranger who seems sad just by offering a random compliment or a smile. A beautiful girl is one who isnt afraid to laugh or smile. A beautiful woman shows that she treats others and herself with kindess and respect. True beauty is honoring the truth and being genuine, even if others think less of you for it. True beauty is not minding if others think less of you because you allow others the right to their own opinions and perceptions and you have absolutely no doubt that none of that changes who you are or what you stand for. True beauty can see enjoy another persons success without thinking it takes away from your own, knowing that her journey and his journey are on paths that do not interfere or define your own.  After all that. anything you do on the outside is just added adornment. It is fleeing, impermanent fun. It is a tool, a means of promoting temporary good feelings. It is not important, not gut wrenchingly, soul searchingly vital.