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Early morning scramble to alert family I nanny for that I would be sadly unable to attend to their lovely daughter for the day; quick text to my mom to see if the off chance of her sitting for me was an option, it wasn't. The folgers in my cup tasty but not enough to wake me up. The haze of one child in my bed and one infants regular wakings the night before in my eyes.
I still needed to prepare my oldest for her school day. I set my phone for a quick 5 minute meditation, when coffee doesn't work, the best way to start the day fresh. I was partially revived. Able to enjoy some quality time with my Sweet Enma before sending her off. The two little ones in deep sleep, making up for the time they were awake through the night. A mom wakes up each time someone in the family does.
Each person has their small allotment of waking time, not enough to effect their day, mentality or mood.
But not mom, mom stays up til the last one falls asleep, wakes again with each baby's cry. She rocks and nurses while others lay peacefully in slumber. She shooshes and slips quietly out the door of the nursery, cursing the creeping floorboards. She wakes again if the older child has an accident. Tears streak down her angelic embarrassed face falling upon her golden brown curls, mom sums up all posdible compassion as her dreams abruptly slam their door, bright hall lights attack her tired eyes. She changes sheets, wipes bottoms. Awake again at dawn to the early riser.
My child has more energy at 6am them most have by noon, full of vigor, cranky from her nightly fast, her body turning quite monstrous at the first signs of low blood sugar, too much sugar, too much gluten, stimulation, not enough activity and more. A highly sensitive child who has a trace of diagnosed sensory processing disorder. You cannot just be awake for this child, you need to be alert, calm and focused.
Every mom is a nocturnal angel and a daytime saint when the sun rises. She is this lofty just because. Not because she is actually a model of heavenly perfection. But more because she is not at all perfect, can be angry, anxious, mistake filled and tired but she does it all anyway. When the storm rolls in she is the ship, the anchor and the sails.
I think of this role I fill. I think of myself, the me who came before all this responsibility. I miss her free spirit so I'm taking it back. Just like that, because I
need to and we all deserve it. I think, 'heck, I don't need to do it all right, I just need to get it done.' This family, these are my loves, it's my job and honor to take care of them. We all have to do something. As migraine inducing, coffee pouring, heart wrenching, gritty or amazing as it all can be; I know three things.
There is no one else I'd rather work for. There is no one I would rather have taking care of these guys than me. I just gotta be here, for the task that presents itself, one at a time. One tear wiped away, one waking, one dish washed, one meal cooked. Just keep on keeping on because that's just what I'm doing today.
Whatever happens, whatever it is, I believe God will take care of me, of it, of us and all will be okay. Why? Because I am here, body and soul, getting real, breathing deep and getting it done.
